This weekend I got a call from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. She wanted to let me know how proud she was of me. At first, I couldn’t comprehend why she’d be proud. Then she explained. She looks up to me for standing true to a boundary I set with him. She said she never thought she’d have the strength to do the same thing, but I’d inspired her. We talked about how hard it’s been for us to have strong boundaries, and how easy it is for us to just want to forgive and sweep it all under the rug. She told me she admired my strength and belief in myself for standing up for Atlas and I, even when it results in a divorce. Phone calls like that remind me why I had that boundary in the first place; I will not raise a son who sees his mother cheated on over and over, or one who learns that it’s okay to hurt others without repercussions or apologies. They help me stay on contract, reminding me that I can inspire others even when I’m going through the toughest time in my life.
Woop. Just got my new debit card and it has a savings feature for Disney World. I’m adding Disney to my 10 year life plan, and I can’t wait to see Atlas’ face when we get there. He’s going to have an amazing life, and I’m going to work my tail off to make sure that happens.
As hurtful and as hard as it is to be going through this with a newborn, I can’t imagine Atlas seeing his behavior and learning how to treat people from him. I’m glad it’s over now, because I’m not raising a son to be a monster.
Gotta love turning on my laptop and another girl’s log in info is saved on it from Thanksgiving weekend.
I hate that Atlas will never have holiday traditions with both of us. I hate how much I looked forward to us all driving around looking at Christmas lights on Christmas Eve, and you and I staying up late to assemble Santa’s presents for him. I hate that I looked forward to those things so much for our family, and now I’m figuring out how to afford a lawyer for the divorce you want so badly. It makes me feel like a pity case when people offer to gift things to Atlas and I, so we will still have good Christmas memories together.
The next holiday season, we won’t be planning fun activities together as a family; we won’t be figuring out what to get our toddler. We will be planning on how we have to split the holidays. When you’ll get him for Thanksgiving, when I’ll get him for Christmas, and vice versa.
The future we made together feels as if it was stolen from my grasp. Merry Christmas, I hope this is the gift you wanted.
The roads Friday versus the roads Sunday. All of the trucks were shut down and the drivers went to take shelter since 6-8 inches of ice had them stopped. Today, the ice had been scraped, sanded, and grated, but they did a horrible job on our bridges. Driving over them was like driving on cobblestone, and it was tearing through tires and damaging small cars’ bumpers. I’m ready for icemageddon cleon to be over.